Girlfriend, er, Boyfriend
by Fuyu no Kitsune
Summary: Riku doesn't like Sora's girlfriend.


**Yoooooooo!**

**You SoRiku fangirls might like this. Let's get this straight: _I am not one of you._ I am not into yaoi or any of that shit. Still, I was amused. But let's face it: SoRiku is damn near canon, even I'll admit that.**

**And now...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters. Nor do I own the song "Girlfriend". Avril Lavigne can keep it. I hate it.**

**Time to GET IT ON!!**

* * *

The brunet waved at Kairi's back as she turned the corner, heading to the library to work on a class project with Selphie. A smile crossed his lips; he couldn't wait to see her tomorrow. He had such a good gift for her— 

"Hey, Sora," Riku said suddenly, breaking him out of his reverie.

"Uh, yeah?"

"I don't like your girlfriend."

At this point, the author is seen watching in the background, trying and failing to muffle a yell into the headset she is using to bark orders to her minions— er, employees.

"Cue background music!! NO, not _that_ background music, you dolt! The _other_ background music! …WITHOUT THE VOCALS, YOU IDIOT!!"

Riku shot a suspicious glance her way before turning back to Sora, only to realize that he was no longer walking beside him. He stopped, looking around.

"Uh, Sora?" he called. Finally, the silver-haired girl—

"I'M A GUY!" Riku yelled at the author. She blinked, startled, and went to… ahem… _correct_… her mistake.

—the silver-haired _boy_ looked behind him. _There_ was Sora, still standing in that same spot in which he had stopped dead at Riku's words, gaping.

"You okay?" he asked casually, walking back.

"Wha- What?!"

"I said, are you okay?"

"Not that! What did you say _before_ that?"

"Oh, that. I said, I don't like your girlfriend," Riku said slowly.

"What're you talking about?" the brunet demanded.

"I'm not saying it agai—"

"Kairi's your friend!" Sora interrupted. Riku and the author both looked affronted.

"How _rude!"_ she whispered.

"Well, yeah," Riku said, "she was. But ever since you two started dating…"

"But, Riku, it's _canon!"_ the Key Bearer said, still gaping.

The author snickered into the headset. "Kairi _so_ needs to see this… Minion Number One! Uh, I mean, April… I DID NOT say minion!! Anyway, call Kairi, get her over here… No, I don't know the number! …Then find out! _Jeez_…"

Riku shot a glare at the engaged teenager across the street before continuing his argument.

"Sora, if everything always went according to canon, then there wouldn't be crack, would there? And there would be much less fanart for the ladies to enjoy."

"It's better that way!" Sora retorted weakly.

"Did you get her?" the author asked her min— employee. "YES!!"

The shriek of victory distracted the boy and girl—

"Do that again and you will pay!" Riku yelled at her, brandishing Way to Dawn. She flinched and rewrote the line.

The shriek of victory distracted the boys momentarily. During this pause, Kairi appeared at the street's corner, panting, unnoticed by Sora. Riku, however, acquired a devilish smirk.

"Are you sure, Sora?" he asked softly.

"Y-Yes," he answered meekly, not sounding entirely convinced. Riku was getting really close—

"You don't sound so sure," he whispered. Kairi stared at the scene in front of her, both shocked and furious at once.

"I could be your girlfriend," he purred into Sora's ear, leaning forward ever so slightly.

Riku suddenly huffed angrily and straightened, turning a glare on the author and summoning Way to Dawn ominously. She gulped.

"I-It goes with the song…?" she squeaked. The boy growled. "C-C-Cut the m-music!" she screamed, fleeing the scene. Riku smiled victoriously and turned back to his uke— er, friend— resuming his former position.

"I could be your boyfriend," Riku whispered seductively.

"…But Kairi—"

"—doesn't have to know a thing. You don't love her anyway, do you?"

"…No," the brunet admitted finally. Kairi's eyes widened.

"Sora!"

He froze.

"K-Kairi! I didn't mean—"

"What are you doing with Riku?!"

The silver-haired girl—

"DAMMIT!!" Riku screamed.

A faint "Eep!" was heard in the background.

The silver-haired boy grabbed Sora's hand. "Going on a date," he announced. The others gaped, and the crowd dissipated just enough to reveal the author in her disguise.

Riku turned, dragging Sora away.

"To the movies with them!" the author shouted gleefully.

Kairi stared after them in disbelief.

"Wha… What just…"

A cackle interrupted her as the author bounced across the street to her.

"Oh, come _on_, Kairi! You may be a Princess of Heart, but we _all_ know _Riku's_ the Mother-Fucking Princess—"

"DAMN _IT!!"_ Riku's voice was faintly heard from the theater.

"And _that_ can be taken literally _or_ figuratively; he's certainly capable!" She giggled. "Cue music! Again!"

Ballroom music could suddenly be heard upon the wind.

"No, no, _no!_ Not _that_ music! I already told you, the song is… Yes, we have the song, it's on that CD I gave you this morning… Number eight… It is? Why is _ballroom music_ on— oh, whatever. Just skip through until you find 'Girlfriend'… Avril Lavigne, you idiot!"

Many people paused in confusion as various types of music became audible, including genres such as rock, hip-hop, and country, much the apparent dismay of the author, as she began to scream and clutch her bleeding ears in pain. Finally, the desired song was heard, vocals and all.

"YES! Yes, that one! No, NO, PUT IT BACK! THAT WAS IT, YOU MORON! …Yes, this is the one, leave it here. Good. Thank you."

"What kind of song _is_ this?" Kairi asked, horrified.

"The kind of song that inspires _this_ kind of fic. AND RIKU!"

"WHAT?!" he yelled back irritably.

"HELL _YEAH,_ YOU'RE THE MOTHER-FUCKING PRINCESS!!"

"DAMN YOUUUU—"

"JUST GO BACK TO MAKING OUT WITH YOUR UKE, PRINCESS!!"

The author quickly fled the scene.

…

We are sorry to announce—

"Let me handle this," Kairi interrupted, grabbing the microphone from the suddenly-existent announcer woman—

"I am male," he informed irritably.

—announcer _man_, then.

"The author, contrary to what _he_ was about to tell you," Kairi reported, "the author survived the attack from Minion Number One. She will not, however, be so well off when Riku finds out she's still calling him a girl. He is not, in fact, a girl; he just looks a hell of a lot like one. I am also being asked to say that he _is_ the fairest of them all, but I, for one, do not agree with that assessment and will now bring this fic to a close. Finally."

* * *

**Alright, I know this deviates from my norm, but I _could not resist._ The song played randomly on the radio, and the first thing I thought of was Riku. And then Sora. And then Kairi. And then I burst into a fit of giggles. I simply _could not_ resist something that brought me this much amusement.**

**Yeah, um. I don't have much to say about it.**

**Anyway. There it is. Hope you enjoyed it**


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